Nothing More Than Feelings

Confession: I’m struggling with my blog because the only thing I want to talk about is the only thing I can’t talk about.

I’m not good at hiding my feelings, not in real life, and not on the internet. Even when I keep my mouth shut I am incapable of hiding my true feelings, all you have to do is look at my face and it’s all there. Sometimes my friends tease me about it, but I kind of love that quality myself. It makes being honest so much easier when you just don’t hide it in the first place. Of course there are times when it’s easier to hide what you’re feeling and even more importantly there are times when it’s just downright rude not to shut your own trap and put your feelings to the side, but in general I’m all about being open and honest when it comes to feeling.

I first started this blog as a place to express my feelings. I wanted place where I could creatively work through my feelings, be open and honest, and hopefully end up on the bright side more often than not. I wanted to learn how to better express what I felt, both the negative and the positive, without necessarily sounding like a whiney bitch every time something didn’t go my way. It’s definitely been a process and I’m well aware that I’ve barely even scratched the surface. In the grand scheme of things I probably shouldn’t even be going through this openly on the internet, but why not? I think it’s fun.

But the “why not” part comes in when you haven’t even come close exactly mastered the art of eloquently expressing your very negative feelings about a certain important aspect of your life. And anyone, anywhere, can read about them.

I feel very big things right now but it would be extremely foolish of me to talk about these things publicly on the internet.

I’m essentially letting my negative feelings take over and I know it’s not healthy, but for the time being I can’t really change anything. “Can’t” being entirely relative, obviously. I know that I’m in control of my life and that there is always something that I can do. Right now I’m choosing to wait it out. I have about 2 more months in my current situation, and hopefully things will change big time for there.

Right now the biggest things that are suffering are my creativity and the blog. I’m trying to balance this out as much as I can by planning fun and quirky lessons for the kiddies at work and obsessing over pinterest in my spare time (PS: This has been the most amazing cure to my habit of leaving about a billion windows open on my computer full of fun and cute things I don’t want to forget about. My computer and my husband are intensely thankful for this new obsession). I’m also trying redirect some of this negative energy into making my home a more enjoyable/comforting place to be. AKA trying to keep it cleaner and style it up a bit. It’s a work in progress.

On a more positive note:

• Things at home are going great right now. Navyguy and I are thoroughly enjoying this deployment-free phase he’s in right now.
• I put my running shoes back on recently and essentially decided I needed to learn how to be a runner all over again. I’m so stoked to say that after 2 months of slowly building back up I’m finally feeling like a real runner again. I’m actually feeling better about running than I ever have before. I just started my first ever training plan for a 5k with big hopes of annihilating my PR on September 24th. Tomorrow will be my first speed work run and also my first run over 3 miles since I started back up and I literally cannot wait to get on the treadmill tomorrow. I’m honestly a little embarrassed by how excited I am.
• My 24th birthday happened on the 21st and I’m still riding some leftover excitement from that. For some reason I feel like 24 feels more sophisticated than 23. I’m looney tunes, I know.

PS Confession: I really want to eat cookies instead of dinner tonight. Best or worst idea ever?

Scheduling

Hey Friends!

My posting schedule has been anything but consistent lately. I know I’ve said it before, I love my job, but it just leaves me mentally exhausted at the end of the day. I come with loads to talk about but then struggle to come up with coherent sentences. Here’s what’s been going on recently (in slightly less than coherent sentence format).

Basically my day goes pretty much the same every day:

5:20 wake up, eat a snack, make a cup of joe (if I’m lucky), and pack a lunch. Out the door by 5:50.

6:20-6:30 start my day at work

9:15 – 10:15 have a meal, go for a walk if it isn’t sweltering outside (it’s been pretty sweltering recently)

12:30ish-12:45ish have a snack. I get a 15 minute break around-ish this time everyday(ish).

3:30 peace out and go home.

4:10 actually get home. have 2nd meal.

4:40 – 6:00 on rough days this is nap time but most days this is clean my disaster of a kitchen time.

6:00-7:00 workout out w/ awesome workout buddy. Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday are usually running days. Monday is typically free weights, and Thursdays are Body Bump. That’s the plan at least, we tend to make it up a lot of days.

7:00-8:30 shower, do laundry, eat 3rd meal.

8:30-9:30 honestly I’m convinced that this hour of my day disappears to the magical land of lost socks in the dryer. I swear everyday I look up at the clock and all of a sudden it’s already 9:30 and I’m crawling for my bed swearing about “where the heck did that last hour go?”

9:30 hit the sack

I love my schedule at work. I wouldn’t trade getting off at 3:30 for anything. That being said, I loathe working out in the evenings. I’ve spent the last couple of weeks basically just trying to nail down a consistent workout schedule that I won’t try to back out of every other day. Having a workout partner has done wonders to help me stick to a regular workout routine and we actually just ran our first 5k together last Saturday!

If it weren’t for that girl I’d probably be napping at 6pm everyday or complaining about the ever increasing circumference of my thighs, but 9 times out of 10 we’re out there running or at least doing something. I’m still not dropping weight like a biggest loser contestant or anything, but I am 10lbs down since the beginning of the year and I’ll certainly take that over nothing.

And now all of a sudden it’s 9:45. How did that happen?

When is your bedtime and what time do you wake up? How early are you willing to start your day? I’d have a really hard time waking up to anything that starts with the number 4 on a regular basis. I draw the line at 5am.

Pretty Satisfied

What’s up world?

Not much going on over here but I just really felt like stopping by anyway. The most exciting things going on in my life right now:

I’m learning to run again.

After about 2 months of “quitting” running I got an urge out of nowhere to start running again. Rather than get bogged down by thinking “SH*T! this is hard! I was running half marathons last year. What happened?” I decided to mentally start at ground zero and pretend like I’ve never been a runner before. Finishing a mile and a half feels like an accomplishment and I think it damn well should. I’m currently training to run a 5k with a good friend on July 2nd and I’m probably loving running more than I ever have before.

Pretending doesn’t work for very many things, but when it does work it can be pretty amazing.

I’m loving Body Pump.

After everything I’d heard and read about Body Pump I honestly didn’t really think I’d like it. I’ve never been a huge fan of weights and the idea of doing the same class over and over for weeks sounded worse than boring. When I joined a new a couple of months ago I decided to give it try out of curiosity more than anything else.

My first thoughts were “Wow, this really isn’t bad. I’m actually kind of enjoying lifting weights….whattt???”The second class I went to ended up being entirely different from the first one and from that point on I think I was hooked. It turns out that the instructors at my gym just do their own thing and teach a different class each time rather than teaching the same release for 3 months.

It’s challenging, fun, and never gets boring. Hopefully, maybe, I might see some muscle definition in my future?? I’ve only been going for about a month and I still have a pretty decent amount of weight to lose before I can even begin to worry about muscle definition, but this is officially the longest I’ve stuck with any kind of strength training routine.

(On the other hand, I tried Body Flow for the first time last night and it was officially the worst group exercise class I’ve ever been to. Not that the class itself was bad, I’m sure lots of people love it. It’s just not for me. at all.)

I’m eating spicy soup in 92 degree weather.

Because the closest I’ve come to actual cooking lately was throwing 4 different types of canned goods into a pot this afternoon and calling it soup and I’m pretty damn proud of it. My mouth might be burning and it might be ridiculous to eat soup given the weather but my belly is pretty satisfied. Sounds like a win to me

Hello Blog

I’m actually way too embarrassed to visit my own blog to see how long it’s been since I last posted. I’m pretty sure its been long as balls and the truth is I don’t even know why. I basically just took a vacation from running, taking pictures of anything, and pretty much the internet as a whole. I wanted to blog but I just couldn’t come up with anything to say.

Then all of a sudden while running a whopping mile and a half (a PDR for the past 3 months, btw) the urge just struck. I missed blogging and couldn’t wait to get back home to write a post. So here I am, I still don’t have a whole long to say but I’m feeling really awesome about being back.

I figure rather than go through the whole “I’m so sorry I feel off the face of the Earth and here’s a montage of everything thats gone on in my life since my last post,” I think I’ll just jump right back in. I’ll probably only be able to post a few times a week and I’m not really shooting for any particular schedule, just want to get back into the swing of things.

Most of all I’m just really looking forward catching up with all my favorite blogs. I’ve honestly missed you guys

Pink Just Isn’t My Color

I’ve never really considered myself particularly talented. A couple of weeks ago there was a pink eye out break at the center and through a combination of sheer dumb luck and washing my hands at every single opportunity possible I managed not to catch it.

Then somehow over this past weekend, the only 2 days of my week where I have absolutely no contact with children, I somehow managed to contract pink eye. That my friends is sheer talent.

I woke up Monday morning to the typical “wtf, why can’t I open my eye?” and promptly called into work and got a doctors appointment. My doc couldn’t actually tell if I had pink eye or if it was just my allergies getting so bad that mucus was starting to get pushed up into my eyes (pretty right?) so she decided it would be best to treat both. So since I’m being treated for pink eye I’m out of work for at least 48 hours.

It ended up being a huge blessing in disguise because I really needed to get back to the doctor about my allergies but felt like I couldn’t take the time off from work. Obviously being out of work and having pink eye isn’t a good thing, but it helped me get what I needed to get my whole self better and for that I’m incredibly thankful.

I honestly spent most of yesterday resting and trying to touch as little as possible. My throat is so sore from the post nasal drip that my diet has consisted of mostly bread with honey and popsicles. Not anywhere close to healthy. I can’t wait for the new allergy meds to kick in, but it can take up to a week.

Today’s goals are to drink as much water as possible (it really helps keep the mucus from building up as much), touching as little as possible, and eating at least one fruit and one vegetable.

Have your ever had pink eye before? This is actually my first time ever. NavyGuy said he had it at least a few times as a kid.

Getting Into the Groove

Being sick for over 3 weeks is no joke. Even though I wasn’t seriously sick, just being under the weather for so long has left me feeling drained and blah. I start the day out so pumped to be feeling well but then get tired so fast. I know working more variety into the diet and getting back into a regular exercise routine will help but I’m struggling to not just take a nap everyday.

Sunday I made my first attempt at a “workout” in about 2 weeks. It was just a easy 45 minute bike ride but it felt really good.

Navyguy and I took some advice from our local running store and actually found an awesome little trail right by our house. I can’t wait to run it but I think I’m going to have to wait until the pollen calms down a bit before trying. I know I’ve already said this, but seriously, for a Marylander this South Carolina pollen is seriously harsh.

I ended up napping on Monday instead of working out but by Tuesday I was so ready to be back in the gym. I was craving a tough workout but I didn’t want to overdo and burnout my first week back so I went with tough, but short and simple. I did a 1.25 mile on the treadmill at a pretty decent-for-me pace and a 15 minute strength circuit of mostly squats, lunges, and push-ups. Nothing fancy, but it felt good and I definitely am feeling it today.

Today I ellipticized for 30 minutes and called it a day. I thought I’d feel frustrated getting back in the gym and not having the same intensity I had a little over a month ago, but surprisingly I’m not. I know it’s not going to help anything if I overdo and I’m honestly just happy to feel healthy again.

Lunches have been pretty much the same around here but I’m finally graduating to real food instead of just eggs and toast for breakfast and lunch.

This morning I chugged down a black smoothie on my way to work. Ok, It wasn’t really black but it looked pretty close.

The mix: banana, frozen blueberries, spinach, and vanilla almond milk.

Dinner tonight was a deconstructed fish taco. Too much goodness for just one tortilla.

Black beans, lime cilantro tomatos, romaine lettuce, and home made baked tortilla chips (cut up soft tortilla baked in the oven until crisp).

With grilled mahi mahi and some guac on the side. It was so delicious, but a lot of food, don’t let this picture fool you, that is a huge plate.

Since I get to work at 6:30 my lunch typically starts between 9 and 9:15AM. Crazy right? I try to have something light on my way out the door, a pretty decent sized meal during “lunch” and a snack during my break (usually between 12-1). I hit the gym after work around 3:45-4 and by the time I get home in the evening I’m usually starving. Example – the other night I came home and inhaled 3 large slices of pizza just because they were there and ready to eat.

Maybe if I had a snack on my way home I might not be such a ravenous beast when I walk in the door? I’m going to have to try something because my dinners are getting out of control.

What time do you usually eat lunch?

Hello World

I’m honestly not really sure what to say. All I know is that today is the first day in over 2 weeks that I’ve felt like saying something. Due to some crazy combination of allergies, a sinus infection, a viral infection, and not being able to take off from work I was sick for a little over 3 weeks. The problem is the that the kids get sick, the parents can’t take off to stay home with them, then more kids get sick, then the teachers get sick, and it feels like it just never stops. I realize I probably sound like a total ninny right now, but the combination of everything was just too much for me and for the past 2 weeks I’ve basically gone to work and slept.

Today is literally the first day I’ve really felt like anything close to normal and I’m still stuffy and congestion. I haven’t worked out at all for the past two weeks and had my first experience dropping out of a race yesterday. I’ve been bummed, frustrated, and just completely worn out but the worst is behind me and just the thought of that is making me feel even better than I already do.

On today’s agenda:

1. Eating real food.

This was probably my last “real” meal before getting sick. Since then I’ve basically been subsisting off of apples, oranges, bread, hummus, and tortilla chips.. with some soup mixed in there every once in awhile.

yummy, but boring.

2. Get some exercise.

I want to take advantage of my time to rest this weekend but my body feels so stiff and restless. I think a nice bike ride would be awesome.

3. Get out of the house and enjoy the beautiful weather today.

4. Catch up with the world.

It feels so good to be back, I missed this

Sunday Shenanigans

she·nan·i·gans/SHəˈnanəgənz/Noun

1. Secret or dishonest activity or maneuvering.2. Silly or high-spirited behavior; mischief.   

High-spirited was exactly how I felt all day today. I was definitely in a funk last week and it feels so good to be out of it. Do you ever feel like the best way to get out of a funk is to just go with the flow and feel funky for a few days? It might sound weird but I feel like the more I fight the funk the harder it is to get out of it.

I figured the best way to celebrate was to go outside and enjoy the amazing weather (upper 70s today!) at one of the cool trails we heard about yesterday at TrySports.

I’ve never actually been trail running before but now I finally understand why people love it so much. I still can’t believe that this beautiful place is so close to our house and we didn’t even know about it.

After being sick all week I felt so ready to go out for a hard run but it just wasn’t in the books. Running on the trails was tougher than I thought and I was just generally feeling a little sluggish. I didn’t want to ruin such a good day so we just decided to take it easy and have fun with it. We stopped after 2 miles to take some pics and wander off into areas that we couldn’t run in.

I secretly was trying to spot a gator. Today was sadly not the day, but that’s just all the more reason to go back again.

After a good 10 minute break we picked it back up and ran another 1.1 miles back to the car.

   

In the end I really didn’t care that it wasn’t a “great run” because I had so much fun.

By the time we got back to car both of us were starving and decided to swing by the grocery store to pick up some quick and cheap sushi.

I rolled with the spicy tuna on brown rice. So Good.

Smoothie on the side: banana + strawberries + spinach + almond milk.

Perfect post-fun/hard/lazy-run meal if you ask me

Same Thing, Basically

Shopping for running shoes and going for a run are basically the same thing right?

Ok, not at all. But I’m mentally feeling the same as if I had actually gone for a run so it all works out.

I started off my day with some much need de-cluttering. It started with just picking up around the house, conquering the kitchen, and catching up on laundry. It ended with my hair. It had been about 7 months since my last haircut and things were starting to get out of hand. My hair felt totally blah, it was in the way all the time, and I felt like it just wasn’t flattering me at all anymore.

Before. Too long, too blah, and my bangs were obviously way past their prime.

I had no idea what kind of style I wanted or where to even go. I spent a little time googling places, picked one more or less at random, and ran out the door.

Less than an hour later I came out looking like this:

Not the best pic, but obviously a lot different.

It’s definitely not a cut I would have ever asked for but I really like it so far. After talking for awhile about how I had no idea what kind of style I really wanted we decided to go with a neutral length, something I could still put in a ponytail but also short enough so I could better decide if I still wanted to go shorter.

Cleaning up the house helped me feel a lot better but something about getting all that dull hair chopped off really made me feel great.

After the haircut NavyGuy and I headed over to grab a quick bite from Atlanta Bread.

I went with the half salad and sandwich combo.

Half Cuban Panini. Something about the combination of pickles, mustard, and mayo that is so good!

Then after lunch we headed over to our local running store:

TrySports.

Honestly we’d been kind of putting off going there because we both loved RoadRunner Sports in San Diego so much. At first TrySports seemed sort of small and stuffy. I was afraid we wouldn’t be taken seriously or they would be more about making a sale rather than just helping but I’m happy to say that the staff totally proved me wrong.

They were incredibly friendly and helpful and seemed way more interested in help us out versus just making a sale. I didn’t need new shoes but they did a really great job helping NavyGuy find an awesome pair. The best part is that we found out that theres a great running trail right across the street we didn’t even know about.

So I haven’t actually gone for a run yet, but mentally I’m feeling almost as good as if I had, which means I’ll only feel even better when I actually make it out there right? That’s what I’m telling myself at least and for the time being it’s making me really excited to run so I’m not complaining .

Headed off to watch an MLS game. It’s NavyGuy’s thing but I think it’ll be pretty fun. I’d pick soccer over baseball or football any day.

What’s your favorite sport to watch in person? on TV? I love watching hockey and Rugby in person. I’d watch Rugby on TV if it were on more often but other than that I’m not a big fan of watching sports on TV.

Cluttered

Happy Weekend!

I’ve been having such a hard time coming up with something to blog about recently. I love my blog and it’s not like I feel burned out on it or anything, it’s more like being around all those kiddos all day just sucks my brain dry. I get home, make dinner, talk about work, workout (eh..), and that’s it. My mind is blank. Am I still just adjusting to everything or am I big lame-o? I haven’t figured that one out yet.

In my defense things have been really hectic at work, leaving me and quite a few other new people to sort of figure out a lot things for on our own. Luckily it seems like things will start to calm down after next week and I’ll be able to get better adjusted and settled (like finally get a permanent schedule/classroom).

I’ve also been under the weather all week. I’m not sure if it’s still just allergies but I’ve had major chest and sinus congestion all week. I’ve always heard that if it’s below the next it’s better not to work out and with the way I’ve been feeling I just went with it. Physically overall I don’t feel too bad it’s just the constant coughing and what’s coming up with it. Gross.

I feel like I’m coming off as a big Debbie Downer but that really isn’t how I feel. I actually had a really good week overall, I just don’t have any pictures to share or any really interesting topics on my mind.

I think what I really need to do is clean up some of this clutter and go for a good run. I don’t know what it is about clutter but I always feel like physical clutter makes my mind feel cluttered. Anyone else feel like that?

I promise I’ll be back with a real post later tonight.