Confession: I’m struggling with my blog because the only thing I want to talk about is the only thing I can’t talk about.
I’m not good at hiding my feelings, not in real life, and not on the internet. Even when I keep my mouth shut I am incapable of hiding my true feelings, all you have to do is look at my face and it’s all there. Sometimes my friends tease me about it, but I kind of love that quality myself. It makes being honest so much easier when you just don’t hide it in the first place. Of course there are times when it’s easier to hide what you’re feeling and even more importantly there are times when it’s just downright rude not to shut your own trap and put your feelings to the side, but in general I’m all about being open and honest when it comes to feeling.
I first started this blog as a place to express my feelings. I wanted place where I could creatively work through my feelings, be open and honest, and hopefully end up on the bright side more often than not. I wanted to learn how to better express what I felt, both the negative and the positive, without necessarily sounding like a whiney bitch every time something didn’t go my way. It’s definitely been a process and I’m well aware that I’ve barely even scratched the surface. In the grand scheme of things I probably shouldn’t even be going through this openly on the internet, but why not? I think it’s fun.
But the “why not” part comes in when you haven’t
even come close exactly mastered the art of eloquently expressing your very negative feelings about a certain important aspect of your life. And anyone, anywhere, can read about them.
I feel very big things right now but it would be extremely foolish of me to talk about these things publicly on the internet.
I’m essentially letting my negative feelings take over and I know it’s not healthy, but for the time being I can’t really change anything. “Can’t” being entirely relative, obviously. I know that I’m in control of my life and that there is always something that I can do. Right now I’m choosing to wait it out. I have about 2 more months in my current situation, and hopefully things will change big time for there.
Right now the biggest things that are suffering are my creativity and the blog. I’m trying to balance this out as much as I can by planning fun and quirky lessons for the kiddies at work and obsessing over pinterest in my spare time (PS: This has been the most amazing cure to my habit of leaving about a billion windows open on my computer full of fun and cute things I don’t want to forget about. My computer and my husband are intensely thankful for this new obsession). I’m also trying redirect some of this negative energy into making my home a more enjoyable/comforting place to be. AKA trying to keep it cleaner and style it up a bit. It’s a work in progress.
On a more positive note:
- Things at home are going great right now. Navyguy and I are thoroughly enjoying this deployment-free phase he’s in right now.
- I put my running shoes back on recently and essentially decided I needed to learn how to be a runner all over again. I’m so stoked to say that after 2 months of slowly building back up I’m finally feeling like a real runner again. I’m actually feeling better about running than I ever have before. I just started my first ever training plan for a 5k with big hopes of annihilating my PR on September 24th. Tomorrow will be my first speed work run and also my first run over 3 miles since I started back up and I literally cannot wait to get on the treadmill tomorrow. I’m honestly a little embarrassed by how excited I am.
- My 24th birthday happened on the 21st and I’m still riding some leftover excitement from that. For some reason I feel like 24 feels more sophisticated than 23. I’m looney tunes, I know.
PS Confession: I really want to eat cookies instead of dinner tonight. Best or worst idea ever?